My mother, who is an actual angel, sent me this picture last Fall. It hangs in my bedroom right next to my closet so it’s one of the first things I see in the morning. It’s weird that I need to be reminded that my life is wonderful, right? There is no reason for it not to be. I have a great husband who is always supportive of my crazy. I have a business that I get to run on the side when I’m not up to my elbows in diapers and mac & cheese. And I have 3 gorgeous kids. But that’s “big picture” perfect not “every day” perfect.
Our every day is far from perfect. With 3 kids under 5 you can imagine that our house is in a constant state of chaos both literally and figuratively. We live in a tiny two-bedroom townhouse (yes, 3 kids in one room, ha!), my carpets are disgusting , my kitchen floor is always sticky, my walls are destroyed from the waist down. At any given time there are 14 loads of laundry on the dining room table waiting to be folded (because it never occurs to me to just buy more school uniforms instead of washing them every other day). The dog is shedding everywhere and I can’t bring myself to care enough to take him to the groomer. Because the groomer takes time and money, both things that are always tight. The veggies I spent a fortune on at Whole Foods in an effort to make my kids eat better are rotting away in the refrigerator which, full disclosure, smells like Olivia Pope & Associates hid a body in it. Who am I kidding? My kids are never going to eat vegetables! We are full supporters of high fructose corn syrup and cereal for dinner. My husband, who as I said is always supportive of my crazy, is also never home. I fly solo all day every day and I’m constantly in awe of how my mom raised 3 kids by herself. At least I have the idea of a husband in my life and the occasional warm body to cuddle when I’m at my wit’s end.
The figurative chaos lies in violin lessons, girl scouts, soccer, ballet, and all the other horrible things we force our kids to do so they stay busy. We are always running from one thing to the next and I am always running on empty, existing solely on caffeine and peanut butter and jelly crusts. I sit in the carpool line and think, “ugh so-and-so has it so together. What is wrong with me? Their life is so perfect. They have more kids than I do and still seem to shower regularly and genuinely enjoy their children.” The carpool line is a very dark place for me. I get some time with my thoughts, which is never a good thing. Do you ever find yourself in a downward thought spiral? Don’t lie, you know you do.
All of this being said, I am grateful every day for that picture hanging by my closet. Because it reminds me that even though I can’t remember if I have clean underwear on, I can remember that my life is wonderful. My kids are happy. They like each other. And even though they drive me absolutely insane most days, I adore them to no end. I know some women who have been dealt some really crappy life cards and they amaze me because they are always finding the wonderful in their lives. If they can do it, I can do it.